Mother made a funny! Mom and I had been trying the South Beach Diet. It’s successful, but it’s rough sometimes. It’s basically a low carb diet focusing on the good carbs. She keeps itching for chocoloate, which is obviously not on the South Beach diet. Tonight, I tell her while shes begging for some chocolate, “Mrs Zabel says you should eat your chocolate. It’s a comfort food for you.” She replies “Yeah, it goes straight to my thighs and makes sitting very comfortable.” Oh mooootherrr.

Mom had voice recognition software installed on her computer, Dragon Naturally Speaking. She was getting frustrated that it was slowing down the computer. “Brian, do you think it’s Dragon that’s slowing everything down?” Dad enters the room, with his proud smile, and quipped, “Hmmm… Is that why they call it Draggin?”

My youngest brother Chris asked dad why his brother and my uncle, Steve, was at “the Grange,” a local playground for atheletic events. Dad said to him “Hmmm… Maybe he still has ties to Saint Aloyusious….” (pause) “Or, at least, he wishes.” Oy! He had to go and rhyme.

Yahoo has me listed as an image search result for the Apple iPhone. I do not have any images. Check out Apple’s own site.

“Why is there a cow in the freezer?” Judy asked to anyone’s ears that may have been alert, pointing out the excessive ammount of beef and beef by-products that were in the kitchen freezer. My dad, or “Ida” as he liked to call himself — referring to our old “cleaning lady” — had just done the typical grocery shopping at BJ’s wholesale market. The freezer was so packed with beef products that “you couldn’t fit a fart in there,” as my dad would always say.

“Jude, it’s what’s for dinner….” (pause … I could see the smirk tickle its way from the corner of his mouth… I incorrectly assumed that this gratifying smirk was a self-tribute to the allusion to the popular ad campaign – Beef, it’s what’s for dinner… I was wrong… here it came… watch out… )

“… that roast is for tonight. …And we’re having the udder one tomorrow.”

Yup, that’s my dad.